This gonna be one hell of a long post.
Excuse me for the lack of editing and spelling/grammar mistakes if there are any. I wrote this at 3:53 am and well yeah.
Thanks for listening to my TED talk.
It's worth it though, because it's funny to laugh at my bad luck - I'm a meme. At least I think so? IDK. Srsly tho read it.
It’s 3:07 am and I can’t sleep. I gave my SAT yesterday (and thank god for it finally happening) on March 23rd, 2019. My results aren’t due for another two weeks, so I don’t know what exactly to expect or if I’m going to be extremely disappointed, meet my expectations, or just get what I always get. I’m literally not sure, because SAT scaling is a bitch. Anyway, not knowing my score, let me tell you my SAT story.
My mamoo was the one who started making me study for the SATs in the first place about a year and a half back, since you need to give your SAT to get into LUMS. He got me my very first SAT book – actually he got me 3 of the 5 books I used. And 2 of the ones he bought were exactly the same. You want to know why? I decided not to bring my Barron’s SAT book to Sahiwal over the summer break (you know sly excuse not to study I’m so smart), so he went out and bought me the EXACT same book the next day and told me to work. That’s the sort of motivation I get. It was never a matter of choice for me. No, I was GOING to give that SAT and I was supposed to do WELL. Why do well? Because my cousins are brilliant assholes. One of them got a 1520 and one of them a 1570 (this one got accepted into Oxford yay fml). If they can do it, why can’t I? It’s in my genes. So there’s that comparison I had to deal with 24/7. I was never allowed to compete with my class fellows when it came to SAT – no my competition was with myself.
Anyways, some people opted for tuition, and my mother did offer to pay for it, but I didn’t take it. The reason being, DP’s stressful as it is with all the assignments, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to cope if I had tuitions every week and all my Saturdays were gone. And what could someone else possibly teach me that I couldn’t learn on my own. Instead, I just used my books, and honestly KhanAcademy. It is a GODSEND. I’m not joking.
So I started working and studying, and I did a lot of on and off studying over the year (mostly in the summer and winter breaks), but I didn’t start taking things seriously until November. And not EXTREMELY seriously until January when I actually registered (the only reason I did was because someone else was doing it and I somehow found the courage to actually go for it). It was during this Jan-March period that I started doing SAT practice on KhanAcademy every day, made sure my math skills were perfect, and English was decent. Over the last two weeks I just did past papers. As many as I could get my hands on. I borrowed a book from a friend (9 past papers), and all the ones on KhanAcademy, and all the one’s in the Barrons book. You see I have slight OCD, so I knew that I had to finish all my SAT exams that I had before the actual test, because if I didn’t I would always have that feeling that maybe if I’d done one more it would have made all the difference. 2 weeks and so many tests and my OCD – it got me doing 2 SAT tests in ONE DAY.
Going from a person who didn’t have the attention span to do one reading passage without getting frustrated to doing 2 entire SAT tests in one day – now that’s progress boi. And it was by giving all these exams that I realized my 2 weak spots – Section 1 and 3. My math is good, but with section 3, the issue is timing. I know I can do it, but sometimes it’s just the time. Even 5 extra minutes in that section can make all the difference for me. It’s literally no wrong vs. 3-4 wrong. And reading well – I don’t have the patience for that.
Anyways last week before my SAT was stressful. I couldn’t breathe. I felt like I hadn’t done enough, but I just wanted to be over with it. I made deals with god, I ranted all the time, all my streaks were SAT. It took over my life. I was just so done, but I couldn’t stop – couldn’t take a break. And then my bad luck started to act.
You see I’ve come to the realization that I’m an unlucky person. And it’s not a bad thing to be honest – and I’ll explain why – but it’s just annoying. You see I have this luck that everything goes to shit and everything tests me to the very last second about anything and everything I do, and I have to go through 10 times the normal amount of shit a normal person would to get anything done. But usually when I do get the thing done, or get results, they’re worth it. Every time.
So when my SAT got postponed it was a shit load of bad luck, to now that I come to realize it, actually good luck. The issue was that when it got postponed, they didn’t tell me that, they just said that the center is being changed and that collegeboard was going to keep me updated. THAT DIDN’T HAPPEN. I had to make 5 10 minute INTERNATIONALLY CHARGED CALLS TO THE US over the course of 4 days to be told absolutely nothing of importance that I could find on the website anyway. I wrote 3 emails, to which I got automatically generated replies 4 days too late. These people didn’t even have the decency to tell me that my test was postponed to a further date. I never got an email, a phone call, nothing. Just the fact that ‘there is a high likelihood that it’s going to be postponed but keep checking your mail’. The information was only updated 1 week later on their website. Oh and also side rant, I paid $30 extra to give my goddamn exam at a HOTEL and not only did it get postponed, but when it did happen it happened at KITE (now that I admit it was a pretty great center I would go there again), not PC. And you want to know why it got postponed – because of the PSL of all things. FML (and Islamabad United disappointed me so double FML). Point is I want my $30 back.
This organization that is supposed to be in charge of basically college admissions of so many students in the US and Pakistan, has been working for so long gave me unnecessary stress for 3 days. After my original date (9th March) passed, I just went into this state of craziness, that whenever someone asked me about my SAT I would just laugh.
What I was honestly the most upset about in all of this was the fact that I was supposed to give it with two people I know (yes, not in the same center but we were still going to do it together). We were going to do this really big thing together – take that leap together. And that idea comforted me, that no matter what happens I have my boys, and we’re in it together. And then they got to give it, and I didn’t. It was like I was left behind and I didn’t know what I was going to do.
Anyways, when I finally came to terms with what was happening to me, I decided to make the most of it. My target area was English. I knew that I could do math, but I needed to ace English. I bought myself yet another SAT book, and focused solely on improving that. I worked hard. I didn’t have any more practice tests to give, so I just focused on exercises. The week before my actual SAT I’d just given up – it was like I’d lost all and any motivation to study. I could not study. I might have studied two days. I couldn’t even study the day before.
Also, funny thing, I had a breakdown about CIEs the day before my SAT exam. And I already gave my CIE exams two years ago. You see, the two boys who gave their SAT exams had their scores come out that day and they weren’t good. And then I found out that one of them was doing his CIEs in Oct/Nov, and he hadn’t done shit, so I decided hey I’ll give you my you’re-gonna-get-an-A*-notes. So I insread of studying (lol sem), went into the store and found all my old Pk St, Islamiyat, and Urdu related things and gathered them. But one problem, I couldn’t find my best notes. I lost it. I looked everywhere. I COULD NOT FIND THEM. These were the best thing I had ever done in my life and I needed them then more than ever, and I couldn’t find them and I had a panic attack. Partly because of SATs and the fact that those two didn’t get a good score so how was I, and partly because I was more worried about what one of the two was doing with his life than anything else. And then I couldn’t find the one thing I knew that was going to comfort me. And I just freaked, and I called a friend and told her and ended up planning out how she’s going to plan her life because I managed to freak her out about college through my freakedoutness. Yes, that’s me in a nutshell. Worrying and having a panic attack about CIES for another person less than 24 hours before my SAT.
But I found my notes. And calmed down.
Anyways the next day, after all that drama I woke up at 5:30 am and could not fall back asleep. I kept waiting for my alarm to ring but it just wasn’t. I got pissed at it, got up at 5:50 and closed it and told it to fuck off (if you haven’t realized I curse a lot when I get pissed or annoyed). I got ready and made myself a coffee. Checked my phone. Got a message from the person I least expected to get a message from. Took that knowledge, compartmentalized it, and tossed it at the back of my brain. Honestly it was just any other test. I’d given 15 before, I just had to do one more. I made sure I didn’t get stressed. Just do it well, and don’t panic. That was my advice. And it worked.
Even at the center, before I started I decided who I was giving that test for. My grandmother. My Akshay. My boys who gave the test before me and didn’t get what they wanted. My mamoo. My parents. My brother. Anyone who believed in me. And me. I knew I couldn’t let these people down. I prayed for some good luck. And started.
And it was easy. Surprisingly. I’m a complete nerd when I say this, but I actually enjoyed giving my SAT. It wasn’t oh god when does this get over, I’m getting tired, it was more like – oh yay one section down, three more to go, ooooh I wonder what questions they have. Other than section 3 it was amazing. Each and every section. The only problem with section 3 was timing. There was this suspicious row of 4 Ds that I’d circled in, and I just felt like I might have done something wrong there, and wanted to recheck so bad. And there was one question where I got 55/2 and I just wanted to recheck that. Literally 5 minutes, and I could have. But when I was done, I was done. It didn’t hit me. I don’t think it still has.
I was actually really happy with my SAT. But I don’t want to jinx it because the exam was easy and scaling can be annoying. And I just gave it, so I really don’t know. I might expect something right now and get so disappointed 2 weeks later. As long as it’s above 1450 I’m more than happy, but deep down I know what I’m wishing for, and the likelihood of that happening is close to nil but sometimes you just never know what can or cannot happen you know? It’s worth not letting go of dreams. Because if I get that, I’d be the absolute happiest person on the world for a long time.
And you know what, if it’s not what I expect, or if it isn’t enough, I’m a nerd and I realized I liked giving the SAT. I can do it again. Is it annoying to study and do all that practice? Sure. But it can be done. And I know what mistake I made – literally if I could give one tomorrow, I’d have a better chance. It’s just practice. That’s all. So I’m okay with redoing it. It’s not soul crushing. But I’d like to get it over in the first try tbh.
As for all the people who need to do their SAT, my advice is simple yet significant (sorry I can’t help myself). It really is all about the practice. It’s about taking that initiative, setting a schedule and just doing it. Expensive tuition isn’t going to help. 400 SAT books aren’t going to help. Open a KhanAcademy account right now, choose your settings, and just start working. Everyday, bit by bit. And register early. You get that extra motivation to work. And choose the right date. Don’t register in May, when you know you’ve got to worry about interims. Don’t leave it till August, you want to have a chance if you mess it up the first time. Use your summer and winter breaks. Literally JUST KEEP PRACTING. I’m not saying 4 hours a day, but even 30 questions on KhanAcademy helps. Target your weak points and build on it. By the time I was giving my SAT, all my bars on KhanAcademy were at 4, I’d done all the exercises and tests on KhanAcademy as well as everything in ALL of my SAT books (and I have like 5 of them). I had done LITRALLY all the practice that I had available. If you do that too, you can get a good score.
And that’s the tea.