The five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. A framework that describes the process each person goes through when they lose something they loved. There is not a typical response to any loss, as there is no typical loss. At least that's what Grief.com says.
The college application process invokes an array of feelings in students - both good and bad. As mentioned in my last post, I applied to a lot of different places, and got rejected by most of them. It's tough to deal with college rejections, because at the end of the day you're left uncertain about the future. It's been approximately a month and a half since I received my college decisions, and I've had time to process it and accept my reality - for the most part, that is. In an attempt to come full circle, and be able to say 'it eez what it eez' (please tell me you got the reference). I decided to take a look at what my rejection letters actually looked liked.
When you receive college decisions, most students just scan the letter to look for one of three words: accepted, rejected, or wait-listed.
In that moment, it doesn't matter how well a letter is written, a rejection will hurt, and an acceptance will fill you with great joy no matter how poorly written. When I was going through my letters again, I noticed the effort different schools put into their rejection letters, and an idea was born.
I didn't have a specific criteria while ranking these letters, other than what end-emotion I was left with after reading the letter, regardless of my prejudice for each school. Anyways, without prolonging this further, I present to you my list of college rejections, from worst to best. Let's get started, shall we?
10. Colby
Although the letter by Colby is slightly more empathetic than the next two colleges on the list, Yale-NUS and Dartmouth, I don't believe Colby should get a higher position in this list. Dartmouth's an IVY LEAGUE, they get to be as cocky as they want with their rejections, compared to Colby - a school I didn't even know existed before they emailed me. I don't see how it's fair that they have a shitty rejection. How is it a shitty rejection letter? Let me break it down: it's by the book, lacks empathy, and is completely unoriginal.
Come on, the quality of your rejection letter is equal to the quality of education at your institute. Boom. ROASTED.
9. Yale-NUS
There's nothing special about this letter. It lacks emotion. There was no emotion while receiving the letter, or when re-reading it. You're the unwanted middle child of two great institutes Yale-NUS, and like those children, you too are forgettable. I forgot multiple times I applied here, and I even forgot this place rejected me until I read my notes for this post. Mission accomplished Yale-NUS, you left zero impression on your reader. Good job.
8. Dartmouth
Ah 2019, when we weren't all sitting in quarantine, and everyone still had a little hope about how great 2020 was going to be and college decisions. Dartmouth was my Early Decision - the one I pinned all my hopes and dreams to. It also happened to by my first rejection. So many firsts, Dartmouth, so many. So let's break this one down, shall we?
The first problem with this letter: denied your application to join our Class of 2024. Like excuse me, who do you think you are? Denying people of positions in your class! Ha! And then this school has the audacity to say this is their final decision, like we didn't get the memo in the first place. Don't worry Dartmouth, I would never go begging and pleading to attend your little college. Oh and it's a college, not even a university. Dartmouth, you're the smallest forgotten Ivy, you're not that big of a deal, trust me we get it's you 'final' decision. Talk about being haughty.
Now to explain why this letter got a higher position than Colby and Yale-NUS. I think it's this line:
I know this was not the outcome you hoped to receive. I know it's pretty generic and most letters have some line like that, but considering the overall haughty, 'oooh I'm an Ivy' tone of the entire letter, it actually feels empathetic and made me feel somewhat okay at the end. But that's the only empathy in this entire letter. I understand they get to be haughty - they are a prestigious school, and they have a lot to offer, unlike the other two schools in comparison. I feel like Dartmouth could do so much better considering their entire campaign runs around the fact that 'each individual is unique', and Dartmouth welcomes 'diversity', but at the same time, they haven't let me down by being so completely generic like the last two.
7. Stanford
I was confused as to where to put this. It’s a good rejection letter, and I think most people would like this rejection letter, but personally it just felt really low for Stanford. I really thought Stanford would do so much better with their rejection letters, but honestly this was disappointing to read.
It seems very distant even though they tried to show how much they care. This application doesn’t have a single line that appeals to my heart or makes me feel good. Yes it says a bunch of stuff, but when I look at this application, I can straight away tell that this is the same bullshit that every reject also read alongside me. I guess the main thing is, it doesn’t make me feel special.
And a link to an article that some admission's dude wrote doesn’t help that fact either. I read the article by the way, but it didn’t make me feel any better. It just made me feel really tiny in this big world.
Yes, a lot of people who didn’t get into Stanford achieved great things. A lot of them won Nobel Prizes or changed the world, but you can’t assume that some other prestigious place will accept me because you didn’t. Because look, I’m one of the cases where none of these ‘prestigious’ places accepted me, and nothing can be done about it honestly. And I'm not the only one out there. It is what it is, you can't guarantee anything, especially since you're the one rejecting us too. I’m sorry but I’m just not buying it.
This has nothing to do with any ill will against Stanford, I think the place is amazing, and I’d go there without any hesitation, but this rejection letter is subpar. It's just disappointing. Kind of like how 2020 feels right now. So many high hopes, but what do we get? Virtual graduations and quarantine. Yech.
6. Princeton
Again, it’s a pretty standard rejection letter. It seems generic, and copy-pasted from a website to be honest, but it’s not particularly a bad one for a generic rejection letter. It doesn’t hurt, but it doesn’t make you feel good either. It is for this reason that Princeton got #6. It didn't disappoint, hurt, or leave a bad aftertaste unlike the letters preceding it. It’s just a preppy rejection from a snobbish and conceited university (that I would have died to go to, but let’s not go there).
5. Caltech
When I applied to Caltech, I wasn't really expecting anything. I didn't love the school, but I didn't hate it. I guess bonus points that the Big Bang Theory was shot there.
It's a pretty standard rejection, but there are aspects of it I like. Unlike other letters, it first thanks me for the time and effort taken in completing the application. Before they say they are unable to offer me a place with regret, instead of using the word 'DENIED' (Yeah, I'm looking at you Dartmouth). They then go on to say many talented students must unfortunately be turned away.
I also like the last two lines a lot, 'we have no doubt you will have tremendous success as you seek a rigorous collegiate education. I encourage you to pursue your educational options with the same thoughtfulness with which you considered Caltech.'
The thing which makes this rejection letter stand out to me is how thoughtfully it has been written. Yes, admittedly, there is nothing unique or creative about this letter, but the rejection itself is subtle, which softens the blow for people. They don't presume another 'prestigious college' will take us, but they know we will be successful no matter what we do. I really like that about this one. To add on to that, I find this rejection letter to note that the university was actually happy to receive our application, which isn't conveyed that well in other rejections.
Although not a top school in my list when I first applied, I must say Caltech did win me over with their subtle and well-crafted rejection letter. But there are better ones to consider yet! Let's move on to...
4. Yale
Go Bulldogs! At least that's what I think their mascot is? I didn't plan on applying to Yale, but I changed my mind at the last minute because of some personal reasons. I really liked this letter. Why? It's empathetic.
I really like that they started off strong saying, 'I am genuinely sorry that we are not able to offer you a place' . Then they go on to explain the same typical BS, yada yada, very large applicant pool (we get it you don't want to give me aid as an international student, and you found diversity in some other more capable Pakistani person who has FAFSA to fill your diversity quota...), before they say the following, 'most are fully capable of doing outstanding work and making a unique contribution to the campus community. It is painful to us that we must turn away so many superbly talented students.' The reason I really love this particular sentence is that they recognize that many of the students who got rejected could have been accepted at Yale. Even if I may not have been one of these students, there are others out there who couldn't get into Yale either, and they're probably hurting too, just like me, and that's oddly comforting. Maybe I just gain happiness through other people's pain? It's too early to tell...
One major downside of this letter was the third paragraph. They start off saying how tempted we are to know what was lacking in our application - hooking students in to read on and learn more - only to say NOTHING NEW. That entire paragraph literally adds no meaning or depth or explanation whatsoever about being rejected. There is no point to add that paragraph if it DOESN'T ANSWER MY QUESTION - WHAT DID I DO WRONG? WHAT WAS I LACKING? WHY SOMEONE ELSE OVER ME? Don't add some stupid paragraph tricking kids into thinking their questions will be answered, and then hit them with the same old generalized shit. That's not fair.
Anyways, moving on from that, the last paragraph is pretty sweet. Essentially not only does it say, look there are other options out there - just be wise about your decision, it also says that by the time you figure out where you are going, or what you will do, you will forget about whatever disappointment this rejection letter caused you. If you think about it, Yale's saying Yale isn't important as everybody makes it out to be. The bulldogs finished strong. They didn't follow the Ivy League mold created for them, and instead stepped off that pedestal in this letter. I appreciate this simple act, and it sets Yale apart from the others in my opinion.
Now if only they didn't add that stupid third paragraph in there...
3. Duke
Again, another generic rejection letter, but I think there are several reasons this gets a higher position than Caltech, Princeton and Yale. Namely the fact that they got 40,000 applications for 1720 places is insane. It's one of the bigger numbers, and I understand if I wasn’t good enough. Unlike some rejection letters this is very short, and to the point, but I like that.
In their simplicity, they also showed their humanity, and used the right diction to make the rejected application feel less like shit.
There are two particular sentences I loved in this application:
1. 'We could only admit a small percentage of the outstanding young women and men who we knew were fully prepared to contribute to our classroom and community.'
Just that sentence makes you picture some old teacher that you really adore or some respected elder in your family whose praise means the world to you, wrote that sentence. At least that's what it sounds like to me when I read it.
2.'Thank you again for applying to Duke. I know you will find a school at which you will thrive, and I know the place you choose will be better for you being there.'
If I had a book of my favorite sentences in the world, this would easily make the cut. There's something about this particular line that could break down the toughest person in the world at the right moment. What I'm trying to say is that this line sold me. It makes me happy that Duke said that to me (and to approximately 38,500 other people). And it's one of the reasons I would apply to Duke again for Masters. Duke didn't make me hate it with the rejection letter, but rather made me respect it.
2. Brown
Brown was one of the good ones. God, I really wanted to get into Brown. Heck, I even went on a campus tour there in the summer of 2019. I loved Brown. And it was so close to Boston, only a 55 minute drive. That's INSANE. So yeah, it really sucked that Brown was one of the places that rejected me. Oh well, can't do anything about it now, can we? So let's move on to see why this university got #2.
I like the phrase 'could not be included among our acceptances' instead of saying your application was DENIED (yes I'm petty, I'm sure you've realized that by now). They were 'deeply humbled' and 'grateful' that I chose to apply at Brown. I must say, a strong start for this rejection. Subtle, AND humble.
They say I am 'clearly capable of performing well academically and making significant contributions to a college community', and although they mean well the first thought that crossed my mind when I read this was do they say that to everyone? Felt kind of like a rip-off compared to other rejections, but maybe that's just me.
Another thing I didn’t particularly like about this one was the fact that they told me that I couldn’t make the cut for a seat where 20 people applied. I get it, I’m not good enough, but don’t tell me that approximately 20 people are better than me. That’s pretty sucky and makes me question my worth.
All in all it was a pretty decent rejection letter though. It didn't sound too much like your generic rejection letter which I appreciated. I don't want to go through every single point, because I feel like there will be too much repetition, but essentially it's not too short (like Duke) so it makes you feel they put a little more thought and effort into it. The person who wrote this used the correct diction to make it seem humble and kind, so as to not leave a bad impression on the reader. It leaves you with an overall good feeling for both Brown and yourself, except for the one grave mistake of saying that you couldn't beat 20 people for that golden ticket to Brown. That sentence will give any Brown reject countless sleepless nights, and it is the sole reason Brown doesn't make the cut for first place (ha ha just like I wasn't good enough among 20 people for the Brown seat). Still a decent contender none the less.
1. Massachusetts Institute of Technology
Another university that really left a blow.
I know, I know, my chances of getting into MIT were extremely low as it is, but it was the only school I applied to in Boston, and receiving a rejection from here marked the end of things near and dear to my heart, so yeah this one did hurt. But honestly, looking at this letter again months later, it’s a really nice rejection, and that's why it get's #1.
MIT’s entire application process seemed like the admissions' officers truly understood the incoming students in the way they think, and communicated in a way that wasn’t robotic. This rejection letter is a testament to that attitude. Even when you read it it’s personal (even though thousands of other people probably got this too). It uses the sentence 'I am very sorry', not the generic we are sorry to inform you. They don’t say the words rejected, or denied, but rather 'not accepted'. The fact that they mention this is 'in no way a judgement of you as a student or as a person', is a great way to sum up the bullshit idea of applicant pool to seat ratio. The main reason I put MIT above Brown is probably due to the fact that although MIT mentioned the main reason I didn’t get accepted was due to the ratio, they didn’t delve deeper into statistics and say more than 20 people were competing per seat. By saying more than 20,000 candidates and 1,500 seats, they made it less of a blow on me if that makes sense.
Sometimes a little mystery is good when it comes to REJECTION STATISTICS.
MIT has a pretty great rejection letter, sweet, simple, and to the point.
I think Duke at this point should still have an honorable mention too.
What did you think of the ranking? If you would have changed it, how so? Let me know in the comments! :p
Overall, I liked the process of applying to colleges. I liked filling out forms, and having to write essays about who I am and what I contribute to society, because it made me think about questions that I didn’t have answers to, and still don’t. Doing this makes me a little more prepared for whatever college I go to, so I can focus on finding the answer to these questions, and be more prepared for applying for Masters.
Just for the fun of it, I want to apply to a few of these places again but without any aid (just to check). I don’t know what my next application process will look like for colleges a few years later for Masters, but I like the entire process and I already miss it.
Sure decisions suck, but overall it’s kind of really fun. I’m used to rejections. Even when I applied to primary school. No other place in Karachi would take me because it was the middle of the school year (I had comeback from Tangiers to Karachi after my dad's posting), and the only place that did take me was TIS. I’ve been here for 12 years, and if I could do it all over again (and God I wish I don’t have to I’m done with grade school), I would still choose TIS - it's sucky but it's home.
I guess though disappointing, this is a poetic ending to my time at TIS. Being rejected by a million ‘prestigious’ places to be accepted into one or two schools, and after 4 years there, realizing how nothing could compare to my time at wherever university I do end up at (or at least that's how I hope college is for me).
I guess I made this entire post to poke a little fun at something which is considered oh so serious. I made jokes about all these schools, but at the end of the day they're great places to study. The people who got in probably deserved their spots, and I wish them the best. Everyone should apply to their dream schools. Even if they end up with 10 rejection letters, there's no harm in trying. Colleges simply give you a piece of paper at the end of four years and some memories.
You can make memories anywhere you go, and you can do your best at any college, in any country. And if you really want to go to a particular school, you can always try for Masters - a few years later, wiser, and with a stronger portfolio.
Just enjoy the process. Make memories. And when you're ready, let go of all the sadness of whatever is holding you back, and move on. To everyone who reads this, I wish you lot's of love, and success in the next academic year - hopefully one without quarantine and lot's of memorable moments. Make the most of it, and good luck to anyone applying to colleges! May the odds be in your favor.
For the headache these places caused you